True Story Tuesday

I'm FIRST at the gate?!?

WHAT?!? And you know you're in Copenhagen when it looks like this:

You know you're in Scandinavia when you can take these photos without dealing with officials. 

True Story Tuesday

I googled the words: What am I doing with my life

...and got 115,000,000 results

True story Tuesday: Back on the block

Two old guys, one in a Lexus, the other in a Mercedes, are bitching at each other like wanna-be New Yorkers. A 4 year-old just tried to hit on me while his nanny was pushing him in a stroller. I almost got killed by a stressed-out SUV driving soccer mom on her cell phone, and what the fuck is up with that garbage truck that keeps coming back?

True Story Tuesday

Coolest couple on the block call it quits.

Jay and Beyonce were the kids in school with bucked teeth, who ate their own boogers, had really annoying parents, and would do anything to feel accepted.

Nas and Kelis were cool. They did what they wanted.

Uncool people who used to eat boogers, stay in Texas and endure ridiculous marriages.

When cool people grow up, they get divorced. 

href="http://www.vibe.com/news/online_exclusives/2009/04/nas_and_kelis_divorce_confirmed/">

True Story Tuesday: R.I.P.

squished by a tree...

What a way to go...

http://politiken.dk/indland/article705106.ece

True Story Tuesday

A well known Swedish fuck up gets himself ridiculously drunk at a function we are both attending, and I assume he is trying to hit on me when he claims that he "lost his key". I've heard that trick before, so I deny him access to the hotel we both are staying at. I also steal 4000 SEK from him, convinced that he'll just spend it on something foolish - like a cab to Oslo, or drugs, both suggestions that he had mentioned while I searched his bag for the missing key.

Next morning, I realize he REALLY did lose his key when he shows up day of the function in the same clothing I left him in, stating that some of the other hotel guests had notified the reception that a "bum" was sleeping in the parking lot. 

Ego check Mookie: Sometimes they don't want to fuck.

Sometimes the truth, is the truth.

Consider this next time he says: "I lost my key"

True Story Tuesday

TRL is no more. Now, The Virgin Megastore on times square that once overlooked MTV stars across the street, has also closed it's doors. 

The location will become a Marshalls.

A fucking Marshalls.

True Story Tuesday

You know you're in LA for spring break...

When Alchemist is buying pot from the dealer next to the taco shop, before driving of with unrecognizable rapper in escalade.

True Story Tuesday

You know you're in Brooklyn...

While shopping at a corner store, a lady is attacked by another with a bag of tomatoes, because she was "taking too long". Instead of jumping to her aid, the other people in line said nothing. Only one merchant spoke up by shouting:
"Brooklyn"

True Story Tuesday

Overheard in traffic:

Yeah, wow. 63 years of being black. I remember when we were the first black family on the block.

If we acted out, the neighbors would beat us. Then we'd come home to another belt from moms, who would warn us with the words: Don't make me have to tell your father, cause he is going to be tired when he gets home from work. 

If we were really unlucky, we would still get that third beating of the day from pops. 

 

True Story Tuesday: Those veggies on the first lawn

Hey Alice Waters...

Check this out!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/03/20/white.house.garden/index.html

True Story Tuesday: Waiting for the economy to recover

Elaborate brush-off lines in 2009:

An undeserving guy I like told me with a straight face: 

I'll call you once the financial world stabilizes.

True Story Tuesday

One month of yoga: 95 dollars
Monthly bus card for rides from Santa Monica to downtown: 70 dollars
Roast duck and baby bok choy shared 3 ways: 13 dollars
Knowing other people are upset about the uninteresting uninterested men in LA, the empty streets downtown and not being able to get a dinner after 10 pm on a fucking Friday:

Priceless.

True Story Tuesday

This is the wild west...

Bank robbery, full with bandanna mask and paper bag of loot seen on the corner of Beverly and Fairfax at 4 pm in the afternoon.

Mookie fact of the day meets True Story Tuesday pt. 2

The A/C debate continues.

(see mookie fact of the day meets true story Tuesday, Dec 9th)

According to a passenger on the freeway express 10 bus...

Air conditioning spreads germs.

The driver didn't believe him.

He responded bluntly with a stern voice: No, the warm air spreads germs. That's why there's air conditioning in the operation room.

The Passenger had a comeback for that:

No... They have A/C in the OR because the doctors get stressed out and don't want to sweat on the patients.

True Story Tuesday

Nate Robinson: 5'9 ish, clad in kryptonite green, dunks over Dwight "Superman" Howard, 6'11

Yes yes yes.

True Story Tuesday

Heard on the 10...

Can you believe it...? The Beatles split up. Yeah, and tell me more about Alabama. Is it a big state and is it expensive?

True Story Tuesday

When night falls in the rich hood...

Birth control is found at a middle school?!?

Wow. 

True Story Tuesday

A pair of insanely expensive Italian heels: $450

A cab to Hollywood: $42

Glass of water with tip: $2

A cab back to Santa Monica: $41 

Making a 2 minute scene in front of that ass who never called back...

Priceless.

True Story Tuesday: pt. 2, inauguration moments and junk food

watching the first couple dance and crying my eyes out over a chili-dog.