Public enemy #1
Hard at work, Heathrow
Hanging out at Heathrow
Is Heathrow REALLY on fire?
The lounge we know and love is only a half-Heathrow away
Uh, yeah
There was a time when I loved Heathrow - probably because of an auto sponsored playground they used to have, complete with slides and all kinds of weird shit. I bought into it 100%, mind you this was long before the demise of the concord, and the death of it along with the loss of Hong Kong, really put Heathrow in the shitter by reaping its one piece of extreme exclusivity. As a child I remember rejoicing every time we landed in London. My parents must have been magicians. Because of them - I love flying. That never changed. Other things did. For example- the whole smoking on flights thing didn't last, as did the sleeping in the space between seat rows, though I confess to sneaking a 10 hour nap on route to Cape Town not too long ago, and out of sheer desperation, got away with it, cloaked in a gigantic sleeping bag like coat that recently died after a 6 year run, and was laid to rest at a funeral my designer friends cheered at. I didn't get hitched to a prince at 25 just like Princess Fergie, and her marriage life didn't really turn out to be that great, despite the pretty red hair.
There was a time when I loved Heathrow - probably because of an auto sponsored playground they used to have, complete with slides and all kinds of weird shit. I bought into it 100%, mind you this was long before the demise of the concord, and the death of it along with the loss of Hong Kong, really put Heathrow in the shitter by reaping its one piece of extreme exclusivity. As a child I remember rejoicing every time we landed in London. My parents must have been magicians. Because of them - I love flying. That never changed. Other things did. For example- the whole smoking on flights thing didn't last, as did the sleeping in the space between seat rows, though I confess to sneaking a 10 hour nap on route to Cape Town not too long ago, and out of sheer desperation, got away with it, cloaked in a gigantic sleeping bag like coat that recently died after a 6 year run, and was laid to rest at a funeral my designer friends cheered at. I didn't get hitched to a prince at 25 just like Princess Fergie, and her marriage life didn't really turn out to be that great, despite the pretty red hair.
Uh.
Yeah.
And I didn't love Heathrow anymore.
In fact. I loathe it.
Yeah.
And I didn't love Heathrow anymore.
In fact. I loathe it.
Here's a true story Tuesday tale about a typical day at LHR, the least favorite destination for mookie traveling.
Is Heathrow really on fire?
There were fantastic sound effects. Beeping alarm like Heathrow acoustics that only Heathrow can produce.
Almost symphonic. There were soloists. A tenor guard accompanied by alto custodian. Please step away. Please move all the way down the hall. All the way down the hall away from the door.
Duet becomes trio
Enter
The voice of loudspeaker conductor. The area you are in must be evacuated please use the emergency exit located nearest you.
Beep beep beep beep beep
Break
Soubdbytes:
No no no where is my gate
Asshole prick
Asshole rude snot.
Repeat to chorus
Ah Heathrow.
That just guarantees London's prime airport the coveted number one spot on mookie's list of all time worst airports 2008.
Charles de Gaulle is always close in the running, but alas, the French have done something right by simply being French.
In a recent text convo, mookie wrote to fellow airport snob:
Is Heathrow really on fire?
There were fantastic sound effects. Beeping alarm like Heathrow acoustics that only Heathrow can produce.
Almost symphonic. There were soloists. A tenor guard accompanied by alto custodian. Please step away. Please move all the way down the hall. All the way down the hall away from the door.
Duet becomes trio
Enter
The voice of loudspeaker conductor. The area you are in must be evacuated please use the emergency exit located nearest you.
Beep beep beep beep beep
Break
Soubdbytes:
No no no where is my gate
Asshole prick
Asshole rude snot.
Repeat to chorus
Ah Heathrow.
That just guarantees London's prime airport the coveted number one spot on mookie's list of all time worst airports 2008.
Charles de Gaulle is always close in the running, but alas, the French have done something right by simply being French.
In a recent text convo, mookie wrote to fellow airport snob:
Q: ...Off to my least favorite airport with wall-to-wall carpeting. Which do you despise more: de Gaulle or Heathrow?
A: Wow that is a really hard question. CDG is old and so cramped but at least you can find your way so I guess I vote for France. I truly hate Heathrow, the lounge is terrible...
I agree with him. De Gaulle is frightfully impractical. But Heathrow is the worst eyesore in Britain... and there is some horrid ugliness in the U.K.
Heathrow is noisy, too big and never on time.
France wins.
Other runners up:
Miami - it's pretty gross in a Scarface meets - republican - pastel colored way.
And that's about it.
Miami - it's pretty gross in a Scarface meets - republican - pastel colored way.
And that's about it.
1 comment:
TRUE THAT!
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